I Feel Like The Black Sheep Of My Family?
June 29, 2010 by
Filed under brown sheep
I don’t want to be like, “Oh poor me, my life’s tragic! Blah Blah Blah…’ But lately I’ve just felt really depressed about this. I’ve noticed every little difference, my appearance, my personality, my beliefs…it hurts.
My mom and dad…my mom has natural platinum blonde hair with blue eyes…my dad has black hair and light brown eyes…both naturally tan…they both have tons of friends, love to go out, typical party parents…they have a perfect relationship, dated since they were 14, married at 20, never broke up when dating, still married in their 40s…my mom was a cheerleader, and my dad was a football player…
My sisters…their one year apart…both got my mother’s natural platinum hair…one has bright blue eyes…the other hazel…natural tans…perfect height ((5’4″))…everybody loves them and always tells them…they go to clubs, they drink, have met their husbands by age 18…their both extremely immature…they love kids, one runs a daycare, the other works at one…got a 4.0 GPA their entire school experience…got into great colleges……they were both in all these school clubs and everyone knew them…
All four of them belief in God like crazy, and believe you’re a “demon worshiper” if you don’t. Though they don’t exactly follow the “rules” of the bible.
My dads family. Perfect mormon family (( no offence to anybody, but you must understand what I mean… )) my moms side, is a perfect chrisitian family.
Then there is me. Extremely pale, green eyes, brown hair, 5’8″, 4 years younger then the middle child (( I’m youngest. So 5 years younger then the oldest )), I’m an athiest, I like anime, pokemon, digimon, I still adore Disney movies…childish things, I love writing stories, and reading, and drawing. I hate partying, I don’t approve of drinking, I’ve never liked or dated anybody, I’m way to mature for my age, I only have two friends, if I can call them that, I’m very anti-social, I’ve overheard adults talking of my strange behavior, my aunts and uncles all said they like me sisters best, I can not stand children, my GPA since 7th grade has been 2.8, and I’ve had to do so much extra things to get into High School. None of my cousins talk to me, and so Holidays I’m always on the couch alone…
I’m scared, I feel like when I graduate and move out, nobody is going to really notice. I mean, I know my parents and sisters love me, but they can’t seem to see this has been really hurting me for years, and I don’t want to continue to be with people who are truly that blind.
What can I do to make this better? It’s tearing me apart…
Caucasian Cousin – I’m not looking for attention, that’s the last thing I want. I don’t need it. And I have tried harder, I study and study, but I’m simply no good. Well, at Language Arts I’m very good, but it’s because of my love for reading and writing.
I try to get a more positive personality, but I’m not a people person. I just seem like an idiot.
And I can’t talk to anybody in my life! Well, I could, I know they would listen, but they don’t need to be burdened with my troubles. I mean…I want them to know, but I want them to find out themselves.
omg i feel so sorry for you. This is the one and only advice i can give you. You are who you are, dont change that for anyone, forget about it, get it out of your head and get on with who you are
Sounds like you get the attention you try to get.Why not study harder in school and develop a personality that invites positive feedback?Everything you want to use for shock value is ho-hum ordinary today.Any true religous
belief requires education and thought whether for or against.How can you not be childish and be trying to enter High School?It sounds like both sisters may have been a little slow growing up and waited for life to come to them by using a sense of humor.Talk to someone like an aunt or Grandmother and find out how they felt at your age.
What you are feeling is so normal it is sad. Your day is coming and when it does watch out you will take them all by storm, and by the way I would kill for green eyes. And that brown hair helps those eyes stand out. I know its hard to wait till it’s your time to shine we all want what we want when we want it but hang in there your time is coming and oh how you will shine.
I can empathise with how you feel. I also have two older sister who were very popular at schoold whereas I didn’t really have any friends until I was 15. I’m also the youngest by 4 years and there is only 2 years between my sisters which made them very close and me feel excluded (they once said they were “just like twins” ouch, that hurt).
How old are you? You may not have ‘found yourself’ yet. The first step is to stop comparing yourself to other people. Everyone is different!!!! Embrace who you are and your confidence will soar. With more confidence people will notice you more.
Have you considered that people don’t really talk to you as you are so withdrawn? I was quite shy when I was younger so preferred to just avoid any social interaction, I later found out that people thought my avoidance was snobbery so they kept away from me too. You can’t always expect the other person to break the ice, you will need to put some effort in too.
If you have different interests to your family, so what? Pursue them on your own. Have a look on the internet and see if there are any groups locally you can join, or even if you just join online communities. Online role playing games are a great way to experiment with your identity and practice social interaction.
You’ve happily seeked information here so why not seek counselling? It helped me a lot. I started with humanistic counselling which helped me to discuss and understand specific events in my life that had contributed to my depression. I would also recommend Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which aims to change negative thinking patterns. It is not just talking about yourself, it’s setting goals and focussing on achievements. If you do not want to speak to someone face to face, online CBT is also available. You can register to a website and be counselled and have progress monitored by e-mail.
But changing is really down to you! You don’t need to change who you are, just your attitude about yourself and your family.
5’8″ is a fabulous height, and I bet you anything that there are times when your sisters wish they were taller.
Let me tell you a brief story.
I once knew a woman called Carrie. She lived a couple of doors down the street. Didn’t know her all that well, except as neighbours do for pleasantry’s sake. She was an attractive, thirty-two year old woman, with bright kids and a well furnished, if not overtly lavish house. She had a good life, with good things. Her household had two cars. Her garden had a fountain – you get my drift.
Then, out of the blue, at about 7am on a Saturday morning, I caught a glimpse of her. Her face was streaming with tears, her eyes puffed, swollen and sore from weeping. It turns out that she’d spent many years suffering from chronic depression.
What I’m trying to tell you isn’t that your sisters have mental health issues. Rather, be aware that they too have their problems, their weaknesses, their insecurities – they all have. Likewise with the entire family. I’m not telling you, ‘chin up, others have it as bad or even worse’, but just not to assume that life is always easy for others. They have their troubles, their human vulnerabilities too.
Now, this being Yahoo ‘Answers’, I’m supposed to give you concrete instructions on what to do, so here’s my advice: talk to them, not necessarily about your faith, but about your fears, your concerns, and invite them to open up to you just as you have to them. Your sisters love you, remember, and won’t think of you as a black sheep – a problematic burden – but as a sibling who they must support, and who helps support them, as any family member would.
I`m wondering…..if you dont feel somehow “drowned out” in your family. Its like perhaps they are so loud and so full of themselves all the time, that you have opted to resign to your fate and let them lead the show? Like everything is always about them and their lives, and you are kind of left out? Sometimes when one is the youngest, one actually creates jealousy among the older siblings – you know that dont you? Just because Mom is now busy with you as a baby and fulfilling your baby needs. And also, one can be overwhelmed when everybody is older and more powerful. This is how it can seem to a 2 year old, and sometimes that feeling sticks with us, because as a 2 year old, we are bound to lose to our older and smarter and stronger siblings. My advice: try to compete. Dont give up, and stop waving the white flag. You dont have to compete with your sisters or your parents (a competitive mother can also be very daunting to a little girl!)- but dont give up competing altogether. Yeah- you could raise hostility in your siblings and it might seem like they are the only people you`ve got. But there a loads of other people out there and leaving your family when you graduate might be the best thing that ever happened to you. And also- find something to call your own. We all need that and it helps a lot.
As we develop, we all look around at the people around us, what they like and dislike, the kinds of things they do and don’t do, and choose for ourselves things that separate us, that help us define ourselves as a different person than our brothers and sisters. All families do this, all family members do too. It isn’t fair, because the oldest one gets to pick whatever they want, and the other kids have to choose from what’s left.
You don’t have to be like your sisters to be valuable. You don’t have to get approval from your family, even though that would be nice. You don’t have to be bubbly and cheerful and shallow to try to get people to like you.
I like you – I like your description of yourself, except for that you are so down about it. Keep doing what you love, hold on tight to the things about yourself that you need. Yeah, sometimes that won’t make you popular, but it will keep you honest, and that’s a lot better than wandering around with no point, not knowing who you are.
As for not talking – I think there’s a saying – better to keep your mouth shut and have people suspect you are an idiot than to open it and remove all doubt! But you are not an idiot, you just have different strengths than your family. You are your own person, not a byproduct of them.
Find other people with one or two things more in common with you than your family has. You won’t find perfect matches of course, but at least there will be something to talk about. A quiet boyfriend who likes books would be good.
Families have blinders on – they have their own interests to think about, and play set roles in each other’s lives. When they look at you, they don’t see the real person you are, they see the sister with this and that, wears this kind of clothes, sits in this place at dinner, fits in this routine. It’s normal. Not very friendly, but normal.
You might want to re-think the atheism thing too – you don’t have to be an evangelist, but you know, anything that’s physically possible has to happen sooner or later. Why not a supreme spirit too? It’s possible…
Easy fix honest. First thing, get outside more. You say you like to read, but you’re pale, so you need sunshine, and guess what you’ll tan. Height ..hey 5 8 cool for girl’s basketball, or track, you have an athlete’s body. You’re still very young and I suspect not finished growing, so you are kind of blaming God for your problems. He’s listening, and loves you trust HIM. Finally lots of us have felt like a black sheep at one point in our lives, only because we felt centered out all the time. People may be talking about you from worry not from being judgemental. Smile,relax, enjoy life, God loves you and you are blessed.
I’m and atheist and a loner, and it is just amazing how hard society tries to discourage both. There are messages everywhere that we should be more like others.
Those messages are wrong. There is a place for us. If you look around, you’ll find more people like you than you realize.
And since I’ve gotten older, I’ve become a happy atheist and loner. We get more choices as we grow up, and I’ve chosen to embrace who I am. Because I’m an atheist, I get to design my own life instead of just becoming another clone. It’s a fantastic gift to myself.
Hang in.
Have you considered lifting light weights? I find when my muscles are toned I feel more social and I get along better with people. I think there is a chemical reason for that, something about HGH.
Megan,
I am sorry to hear about your challenges. What you are dealing with is not easy and I am sure you feel very lonely at times. I read your entire post and there is only one thing I can recommend. Please do not discount it just because it may go against your chosen beliefs.
Please spend some time rethinking your belief that God does not exist. I am sure with your challenges it could seem as though there is no God but I assure you he does exist and loves you like no other person. He may be the only person who can help you through what you are feeling. So I propose an experiment for you:
For the next couple of months, set aside your claim of being athiest and try sincerely praying to God to help you know if he exists and if he is aware of your trials. If you try this for a couple of months and still feel there is not God nothing will prevent you from picking back up a non belief in God. My reason for offering this advice is this- if by chance you are wrong and God does exist, he may be the only one who can help you with your problems. I have felt God’s presence during difficult times and I can tell you that nothing else can offer peace and comfort with certain situations.
What do you have to lose? Good luck!